1 måned

I dag har det gått nøyaktig en måned siden engelen vår forlot magen min. Rart å tenke på. For akkurat en måned siden ankom vi sykehuset. Jeg er glad for at jeg kan minnes de få timene vi var der som en "god" stund. Jeg har den siste måneden lest om mange som har opplevd det samme, og ikke alle har hatt en så enkel og god opplevelse som vi fikk. Og jeg er glad for at det ble sånn, at jeg måtte føde vår lille engel. At vi fikk føle den komme og at vi fikk den stunden vi fikk.

23. er nå en dato på lik linje med våre andres fødselsdatoer. Det er dagen til vårt lille englebarn.

Utrolig nok virker det som om mensen nå er i gang hos meg. Jeg håper i alle fall det. Jeg synes at det er litt spesielt at det ble akkurat på dagen en måned etterpå. Blandede følelser der. Har et sterkt håp om at det er starten på lykkesyklusen, det hadde vært passende. Men helt troen har jeg ikke.

I dag er det uansett først og fremst savnet som råder.

Angel of my Tears

How do you love a person
who never got to be,
or try to envision a face
you never got to see?

How do you mourn the death of one
who never got to live.
When there's nothing to feel good about
and nothing to forgive?

I love you, my little baby,
my companion of the night.
Wandering through my lonely hours,
beautiful and bright.

What does it mean to die before
you ever were born,
to live the lovely night of life
and never see the dawn?

Ah! My little baby,
you lived like anyone!
Life's a burst of joy and pain.
And then like yours, it's done.

I love you, my little baby,
just as if you'd lived for years.
No more, no less, I think of you,
the Angel of my tears.

~Author Unknown.
 
 
Just Those Few Weeks

For just those few weeks
I had you to myself.
And that seems too short a time
to be changed so profoundly.

In those few weeks,
I came to know you...
and to love you.
You came to trust me with your life.
Oh what a life I had planned for you!

Just those few weeks...
when I lost you,
i lost a lifetime of hopes,
plans, dreams and aspirations.
A slice of my future simply vanished overnight.

Just those few weeks...
It wasn't enough time to convince others
how special and important you were.
How odd, a truly unique person has recently died
and no one is mourning the passing.

Just a mere few weeks..
And no "normal" person would cry all night
Over a tiny unfinished baby,
or get depressed and withdraw day after endless day.
No one would, so why am I??

You were just those few weeks, my little one.
You darted in and out of my life too quickly.
But it seems that's all the time you needed
to make my life richer
and to give me a small glimpse of eternity.

~S. Erling
 
 
A Lament for My Baby

I never got to hear you laugh
you never saw me cry
didnt get a chance to say "Hello"
you never said "Goodbye"

I didn't think that I could feel
so sad, lost and forlorn.
I never knew God chose his Angels
before some of them were born.

Your life was short yet special
I shared it all exclusively
I felt you breathe, I felt you kick.
You were alive inside of me.

Every baby is an Angel
and every angel is divine
God needed one in heaven
He came down and took mine

And although we are not together
we're not really apart
for you'll always occupy a space
deep within my heart.

Time has begun to ease my pain
It's only some days now I cry.
When I wish I could have said "Hello"
and heard you say "Goodbye"

~Author Unknown
 
 
Precious Little One

I`m just a precious little one
who didn`t make it there.
I went straight to be with Jesus,
but I`m waiting for you here.

Many dwelling here where I live,
waited years to enter in.
Struggled through a world of sorow,
a world marred with pain and sin.

Thank you for the life you gave me,
it was brief but don`t complain.
I have all Heaven`s Glory,
suffered none of earth`s great pain.

Thank you for the name you gave me.
I`d have loved to bring it fame.
But if I`d lingered in earth`s shadows,
I would have suffered just the same.

So sweet family-don`t you sorrow.
Wipe those tears and chase the gloom.
I went straight to Jesus` arms
from my loving Mother`s womb.

~Author Unknown
 
 
What Makes A Mother

I thought of you and closed my eyes
And prayed to God today
I asked, "What makes a Mother?"
And I know I heard him say
A Mother has a baby
This we know is true
But, God, can you be a mother
When your baby's not with you?

Yes, you can he replied
With confidence in his voice
I give many women babies
When they leave it is not their choice
Some I send for a lifetime
And others for the day
And some I send to feel your womb
But there's no need to stay.

I just don't understand this God
I want my baby here

He took a breath
and cleared his throat
And then I saw a tear
I wish I could show you
What your child is doing Here

If you could see your child smile
With other children and say
"We go to earth to learn our lessons
of love and life and fear,
but My mommy loved me so much
I got to come straight here!"
I feel so lucky to have a Mom who
had so much love for me
I learned my lessons very quickly
My Mommy set me free.
I miss my Mommy oh so much
But I visit her each day
When she goes to sleep
On her pillow is where I lay
I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek
And whisper in her ear
"Mommy, Please don't be sad today
I'm your baby and I am here"

So you see my dear sweet one
Your children are okay
Your babies are here in My home
And this is where they'll stay
They'll wait for you with Me
Until your lessons there are through
And on the day that you come home
they'll be at the gates waiting for you

So now you see
What makes a Mother
It's the feeling in your heart
It's the love you had so much of
Right from the very start

~Author Unknown
 
 
Piece of my Heart

How was it to be that I now am robbed of such joy?
Of watching you grow or finding out if you’re a girl or boy.
Never did I get to hear your cries or even see your tears,
Or kiss your little brow and hug away your fears.

I am just left here now with pain and few memories,
Of the days that were happy with you inside of me.
For you were loved and wanted oh so much,
What I would give just to have felt your touch.

The hours crawl by yet the time does not seem to slow,
I want to scream out to the world you are gone, why don’t they know?
How is the world still turning when I feel it should have stopped?
Why are people laughing and living when it feels like I can not?

Not enough tears can be shed to express the love we have for you,
No words can describe what we all wanted to be able to do.
I would have just held you and breathed in your sweet smell,
Shouted with joy and phoned all the people we wanted to tell.

But this time we called loved ones with the sad sad news,
That too little were you to live among us and we were meant to lose.
But nothing will ever erase those twelve weeks we had together,
For a piece of my heart you now hold always and forever.

~Kerri-Anne Hinds